Daughter Detox: Recovering from An Unloving Mother and Reclaiming Your Life Paperback – October 30, 2017

I have recently obtained full custody of my daughter from an unloving mother, and I hadn't realized the full scope of how much her mother messed up my daughter when they were together. This book is extremely well written and starts out by explaining the scientific research on unloving mothers and their children, especially daughters, who seem most affected. Basically, kids learn a lot about forming healthy relationships and how to react to the world very early on, and if this form of learning is withheld by an unengaged mother, the effect over a decade or more can be devastating. Having a loving father is not enough to make up the difference: the child tends to feel "if my own mother won't love me, there must be something wrong with me." Over the years she may succeed in identifying her mother as a source of anxiety, but if it goes on, it can generalize and affect the daughter's ability to have normal friendships, relationships, make her painfully shy, etc. My daughter has always seemed like a happy kid at my house and the first sign of trouble was when I signed her up for a tennis camp, and she said she was too afraid to go because "everyone will hate me." My natural reply - "Whaaat? Everybody I know loves you!" - was met with silence. That was when I started to realize something was wrong, and I learned about the mother-daughter issues when she started therapy. I bought 8 books on this topic on Amazon, and of those I have read so far, this does the best at explaining the early dynamics, the progression of the problem, and how to get your daughter to realize this was all mom's fault, not yours. Beyond that, it teaches the daughter how she can learn the correct lessons on social interaction and unlearn some of the bad stuff she picked up from her mother. So, in one word, this gives my daughter and myself "Hope" that there is a good path forward for her without years of psychotherapy. We read it together every night, and so far, the degree to which the words seem to describe my daughter's relationship with her mother are practically uncanny. Such having an intellectual understanding of the problem is tremendously helpful and encouraging. There remains work ahead as she suffers from a form of PTSD that will take perhaps a long time to overcome. But the book provides a path to recovery and so far, so good.

I wish I could say that everything in this book is obvious and common knowledge in our culture, but sadly it is not. Before she passed a few years ago my mother admitted to me that she hated me. Honestly, her telling the truth was a gift. For so many years I lived with “emotional confusion” and reading Daughter Detox makes me realize that I am still in the grip of what the author calls the “Core conflict”. Which as I understand it, is that we are hard-wired to seek out and need our mother’s love - no matter how badly she treats us. I have been trying to sort through this in my own mind - aware of the problem, but unable to articulate it exactly - and this book lays it all out and explains it.It’s interesting to me when I share my journey with some of my closest friends of what my childhood was like, they can’t believe it. I am grateful to be a highly successful, compassionate and generous woman (this is how my friends describe me), but I am still tormented by the emotional confusion created by my childhood and the “core conflict” persists to this day.That being said reading this book along with daily meditation and seeing a therapist using EMDR I see my internal self changing for the better.I have purchased and sent the book to several of my friends. I don’t know if they will read it, but I want them to know there is a way out of their suffering.It is probably the height of irony that the isolation, emotional confusion and deep loneliness that the daughter of an unloving mother felt as a child continues into adulthood. But this book is a guide to moving through those feelings, changing old largely unconscious habits and experiencing more intimacy and joy.Is it an easy road? On one level, it is “hard work”, but I am so excited and grateful to be taking this journey.One more observation, the author is not a therapist and not a scientist. However, her work is filled with references to solid scientific research and evidence. This is not a touchy-feely self-help book filled with rainbows, unicorns and BS. I suspect for some people reading it will stir up the reality of what their childhoods were reallly like and that will not be easy to confront. For my own part, I have known for some time how awful it was, I just didn’t know what to do about it. This book is filled with solid observations and insights that are extraordinarily helpful. I highly recommend it!

The book help women to understand their mothers who were toxic.

Awesome book. It helped me to understand myself and deal with my emotions and feelings. Thank you very much .

I have a very up and down relationship with my mother and found this book by complete accident. So glad I did though, as it helped me to see that I am not the only one who has experienced a toxic mother. It put a lot of things into perspective and helped me to sort out things that I have been playing over in my head for years with regards to my relationship with her. At the back of this book is a chapter or two for journaling which I am working my way through. A great idea. If you are looking for a book to help guide you with your thoughts and emotions from an unlocking mother, give this book a read.

Superb content. Eye opening insights about the complicated issue of a mother-child relationship. I can't thank the author enough for writing this book ! Many many thanks from India.

Che dire. Un libro illuminante, che squarcia il velo di omertà che circonda il ruolo di "madre perfetta" etichetta che spesso nasconde una narcisista o altro tipo di cattiva madre, e rivela al mondo i danni che le figlie (soprattutto sono donne) riportano e coi quali devono imparare a scendere a compromessi. Una guida passo passo al riconoscimento dell'abuso prima di tutto, spesso negato e soppresso per la sua dolorosa insopportabilità, ma che va visto e riconosciuto per poter finalmente dare un nome e una collocazione a quell'esperienza, così da chiudere il conto e vivere finalmente libere la propria vita. Imperdibile.